It feels like a lifetime has gone by since the last time I
have written. I have thought about writing many times but have not been able to
either because I just don’t want to put on paper that my father-in-law died on
the morning Wednesday October 24th or because I have been with Eddie
and my girls non stop for 11 days without power or because the loss I have been
witnessing between Bubba and the storm simply seems too much for words. But now I am up in the middle of
the night (I cant post this yet because we still don’t have internet) and maybe
its time to write about some of it…
My
father-in-law (Doug, or “Bubba” as we all call him) went to God very peacefully
at 10:30 in the morning with his family around him in a room filled with deep
love. Pictures of family members who were waiting for him on the other side
were close by and it was the first time I had witnessed someone take their last
breath. I was honored to be there. The last prayer he heard was the “Hail Mary”
which is no coincidence that it is the prayer his second youngest grand
daughter (Mary) has had me say to her every night before bed for the past 2
months. I had been feeling so sad about Mary…that she is only 5 and will not
have as many memories with her grandfather as my older two do. I realize now
that all on her own she has created a connection with him through this prayer
that she will have for the rest of her life. Although I am Catholic, I am not
always drawn to the traditional prayers. It was my Mary with her hand made
prayer book that brought me back to the Hail Mary and it was these two Mary’s
who helped Bubba let go of this world and move through to the next. His letting
go was a long and challenging process. He loved his life, he loved his kids and
his friends. He loved his town and his walks and meeting his friends for
dinner. He loved being in Mexico and sitting with a drink at his prayer wall.
He loved traveling to new places and having fun everywhere he went. He loved
this life and did not want to let it go.
Many times, sitting next to his bed
that last week, I thought about the
dream I had about my brother-in-law John about 8 months after 9/11. In the
dream he looked incredible as he walked up my back parch steps. He was vibrant
and peaceful and gorgeous. As we spoke, I kept asking him where he was, what it
was like there…he kept shaking his head and waving his hand saying “Meg, you
won’t understand, I can’t even explain to you…there are no words” But the look
on his face solidified the existence of a place beyond my comprehension. He was
experiencing a level of love and an experience of peace that my limited human
mind could never calculate. I thought about what my mother said after my father
passed away 4 years later- that the look on my dad’s face right after he
stopped breathing was the most peaceful thing she had ever witnessed. I kept
thinking to myself that even though Bubba was laying there suffering, he had this
incredible place waiting for him. The love he was leaving here? He had more
waiting. The adventures he wasn’t ready to have end? He had more coming. The
contentment he had watching his granddaughters swim at 7 Patriot Road? He had
more contentment than he could ever imagine was just around the bend.
His body was restless. His will was
strong. He did not want to leave his life here. We did not want him to leave
either. So now…he is there with his
parents and his sister Joanne and his brother Johnny and his niece Dana.We are here to carry on the adventures, the
dinners, the sunsets at the beach and to continue living fully in honor of his
life. A week before he died when Eddie went home for an hour and I was alone
with Bubba. He told me he wanted us to always laugh, he wanted lots of laughing
when we remembered him, especially with his grandchildren. He wanted the girls
to remember all the laughter they had together. We said “Thank you” to each other. He added “For
everything” and I said it back. I thanked him for my Eddie- for raising the
best friend I have ever had, for giving me an extraordinary father for my
girls. Thank you for your family, the fun, the support, the memories, the love, the parties,
the walks, the lessons, the trips, the music.
Thank you
Bubba…for everything.
