Falling Through

When Amy and I spoke this morning, she told me Charlie was having his 4th grade picture taken at school. Amy paid him a quarter to wear a "fancy shirt" , blue and white gingham. I stuck a quarter in an envelope and mailed it to him when I hung up the phone. When he got home from school and I called him, I asked him what else he wore for his school picture...he said "plaid shorts. " I love it. gingham and plaid. the best. I can't wait to see the picture.
I am going to the "Heartworks House" everyday after I drop Mary off at pre-school. I walk in, take a deep breath, light some candles and look around in a state of overwhelming amazement, gratitude and a bit of anxiety at all the stories, all the families we are reaching out to. Cancer, cancer, cancer seems to be everywhere...On my street, in my friendships and at the Heartworks House. And along with the cancer, there is love, love, love, hope, hope, hope, faith, faith, faith, love, love, love, fear, fear, fear, awakenings, awakenings, awakenings, suffication, suffication, suffication, grace, grace, grace.
My favorite priest and author, Richard Rohr, says "Fall through your life situation, into your life" what this means to me is that the "situation" of our lives right now, is not our real life. Our real life is with God, in the lessons, and growth and healing...the "situation" is just showing up to help us come back to Him. I pray for this each day...to "fall through" the drama, the pettiness, the distractions of everyday life into the real life of service, my family and love. My daily phone calls to Amy remind me that nothing as we know it today will stay the same. Everything changes all the time. Purhaps this is the greatest human struggle...the near impossible ability to accept that nothing is permanent. It all seems so REAL...doesn't it? What is real is love. What is permanent is love. What I want most in my life- to give and recieve, is love. My prayer for Charlie on his Carebridge prayer page was that he feels the love we all have for him as he falls asleep tonight. It is my prayer for all of us. I picture his sweet little head, half full of blond curls resting on his pillow, with his blue and white gingham shirt crumpled up in a ball on the floor and I pray he falls through this dignosis into the love that is so abundant in his life.