Transformation Make Your Home in Me by Amy Ames

The words I have not been able to type about my 9 year old Godson's tumor are Malignant Glioma. Charlie's type of brain cancer is very rare. His mother, my BFF Amy, is the youngest of 7 kids. I think her oldest sibling Sue must be 53 by now. This family has never experienced a trauma before. They have been blessed by a lack of car accidents, illness and tragedy. I tell you this because I want to give you a reference for the entry below. Amy started her own Heartworks group in Barrington, RI four years ago. She has dedicated her life to reaching out to families that expereince things that she has not, until now,  gone through in her own life. Amy has a gift of being present for you in crisis, even though she has not been there herself.

On April 23rd she posted the following article on her blog. She wrote it because she had heard of a woman in town getting a cancer diagnosis. It was Easter week and she did not want to write about "fluff" so she said a prayer to give her some clarity about what was happening for this woman she had just heard about. She called me shortly after she posted it saying "I'm such an idiot!! Now everyone thinks I have cancer!! I was writing it from the perspective of the body, the universal body, not my own!" and we laughed hysterically that these ideas and words just came to her and so she wrote them, posted them and never explained the "why" or that it was not about her. Life in her house this past Easter was good, and she knew it. Amy has the awareness to be grateful for "ordinary days" and she was.

Then on May 18th they were woken up in the middle of night by Charlie having  a seizure and falling down the stairs. Two weeks later they removed  a tumor from his brain. On June 24th Amy and Garrett got a phone call that the tumor is malignant and a year of treatment is necessary...so you can call the article below Mother's Intuition, you could call it crazy coincidence. I believe, Amy believes, it was God giving her an understanding of what was growing in Charlie's brain at the time that she wrote this. She just didn't know it yet. I post this today because he started a radiation on Monday and those of us who love him are requesting that everytime you think about Charlie, please turn it into a prayer. The following is an explanation of how his mother viewed his tumor before it was even discovered and we must all follow in praying for a miracle of healthy cells to grow and grow in little Charlie's brain. Please read below and pass it on to anyone you know living with cancer. We believe these words to be true, and Amy was the vehicle through which they were delivered.

Transformation Make Your Home In Me

A prayer for the darkness of a diagnosis.

Little spot, I heard you were here. I saw you there on the white screen. You are in me, but not me.  I don’t know you, like I know the backs of my hands or every line on my face.

They say you are a part of me now and that you have made yourself known. The kids are crying, worried, losing sleep.   Your hearty handshake of "hello" has not loosened its grip on my stomach.  And my breath! My breath is heavy.  Is that because you've already made yourself known to the rest of me? Trying to show all parts, who's the boss?
I don't know you but you are a part of me now. Like an uninvited guest barging your way into my daily affairs.  Appointments, white shoes, white coats.  Tests, tests and more tests. Waiting, waiting and more waiting. The only difference today from yesterday is a few syllables a tongue mixed with an exhale that uttered your name.
I feel fine, I feel fine. Perhaps you existed on the slide before the shutter closed? An 8.2 millimeter smudge? There must be some sort of mix-up.  I feel fine. I feel fine.
Where did you come from? The air in which I breathe?  The food I swallowed?  A hundred inconveniences? A lifetime of angry frustration?  Will I ever know?
They say you will grow. They say you might spread.  They need to figure you out. I need to figure you out.
And when I look, you are so small!  And I am so great! I am so much more than 8.2mm.  A daughter, a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a teacher, a nurse, a friend.  With so much love yet to give.  So much more of life to live.
So now you are in me and a part of me, a part of my cellular makeup that has been wounded. Like a cut on my leg, or a bruise on my arm,  I will nurse you back to health. That's what I do, that's who I am.
I will care for you.  Every cell will care for you. There are enough of them to do so. They shall dance around you.
Will you let us in? Will our love and our nurturing be enough to transform your attacking nature?
Let us walk this road of uncertainty together at least. Let us resist our need for answers.  Let us breathe life in and let love out.  Every moment of every day. Because you are in me and now a part of me.
Transformation make your home in me.