My Day

I am sitting here at the Heartworks House (what we call our office space)....It has been a full day of speaking to people who love someone with cancer. Including talking to Eddie about his dad, my father-in-law who I love dearly. Then a close friend about her father-in-law, then a woman I have known for years, trying to suggest to her in a gentle way to allow herself to be open to what Heartworks can offer her family while she's in treatment for breast cancer. She's not biting... Holly is in the next room talking to Lauren about how to improve our sign up sheets for our meeting next week. A friend of mine is crying, dealing with depression. Cars are driving by on Rt 202...I am overwhelmed with the amount of suffering going on for people close to me as well as people I have never met before. I thank God that I am not in the mall right now spending money on clothes I don't need. I thank God I spend my time here at the Heartworks House while my girls are in school. Here I can be immersed in the suffering, and I am grateful. Not because I am a downer (though some would disagree) but because it is at least authentic energy and keeps me grounded in the reality of our choices- of how we spend our time. I can't cure my father-in-laws cancer today...but I can get organized for our next meeting and make calls to families who are living parallel experiences. I can do what I can with what is within my control. I feel like if I died tomorrow I could say that I did not waste my time on unimportant things. I take care of my girls, I love my husband, I drink wine with my friends, I never say "no" at a chance to sit with my mom for 5 minutes or 5 hours. People have judged my choices....that they are different from what they may do with their days....but I am living in alignment for what I have been asked to do on this Earth. And I can't cure cancer...I can't fix my friend's marriage....but I can raise money and deliver dinner and reach out and this means my day was well spent. And now I get to go home to my 3 healthy girls...the house may be a mess but they will be there and Eddie will come downstairs and I get to hang out with him tonight and I know I am blessed by these seemingly ordinary occurrences, but I know, after a day like today these are the exact things not to take for granted.